i wonder what life is sometimes…. weird thing to wonder i know. but i guess i just wonder why things happen the way they do. why we as humans take certain courses that we take. how growth can be experienced so quickly; painfully at that. and how some can experience it worse than others… although i never knew that i was born to be apart of that “some”, i always knew i was different.. over the coarse of 5 years my life has changed drastically. from my brother/bestfriend passing.. to numerous heartbreak.. to the feeling of isolation in my own family.. to suicidal thoughts.. that being my muse for creation… to drugs.. to putting music out.. to building a fan base that i never could have imagined having.. to meeting Tricky…. to love… to getting a record deal.. to wealth… to manipulative “friends” only around for what they could get out of me… to stress.. to depression.. to not wanting to make music anymore.. to leaving those “friends” behind.. to being dropped from the label… back to no money.. to support.. to sobriety… to happiness.. to reconciliation.. to starting from scratch with family and the people i love most… to making the best music i’ve ever made.. to labels calling me to take meetings.. to new deals on the table… and to making my way back to where i wanted to be in the first place….. through that i learned that, life is what you make of it; appreciate the ones apart of it that matter. believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. tragedy and bad company can come with money. and success is nothing if you have no one that you love there to share it with.
speaking of that……
my love. my woman. my queen. my everything. without her i wouldn’t have made it through all of that alive. i mean that very literally. it was her who stopped me when i was ready to end my life. it was her who taught me how it felt to be truly loved. it was her who stuck by me when i had nothing. it was her who helped me find my love for music again.
i write because she exists.
i live because she chose to love me.
i love because she exists.
it is because of her, God allowing, that i realize how important it is to love. i see the world and how people treat each other. treat themselves even. the war. the violence. the blasphemy. i’m disgusted. politics and religion… thats what has made our world the chaos that it is. imagine a world with no politics. imagine a world with no religion. faith, yes. belief, yes. but no religion. religion is man made. titles created to separate. divide. make one feel superior/inferior. i believe in God. i don’t believe God would support such division. imagine a world where people choose to love each other in spite of each other. love God. i once read that “when the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will then know peace”. i believe that. call me foolish. call me naive. call me soft. maybe i am. but i’m honest and i’m happy. i don’t intend to sway beliefs. my only motive is to enlighten and to love.
the lord is my shepherd.
and love is my new religion.